Hermione Grangers VERY Secret Diary
by ccb0191
Summary: Harry and Ron find Hermione's diary and decide to read it. Hmm... what could she write about?
1. Chapter 1

1A/N: As of right now this is just a one shot fic that I'm doing because I'm bored and have writers block on my other story. If anybody reviews and says they want me 2 keep going with it, I will. Oh, by the way, in her diary Hermione is going to seem totally out of character because I think it shows a kind of funny random side of her and I think that's cool and if you don't then don't read the freakin' story 'kay?

"Harry, what's this?" Ron asked picking up a small black book off the ground from under the table that they were working at. "Is it yours?"

"No," Harry said taking it from Ron. "I think it's a diary."

"Oh, who's is it?" Ron asked with a curious look in his eye.

"Ron, we shouldn't. It might be another one of Riddle's old diaries!" Harry said.

"No you doofus! Why would Riddle make more then one diary? Besides, the initials on this diary are H.J.G. So in your face! It's not Riddle's!" Ron said, triumphantly.

"Okay, we should _really _put it back then," Harry replied.

"Why?"

"Who do we know who's initials are H.J.G.?" Harry asked. Ron thought about it for at least 5 minutes when finally Harry said, "HERMIONE! Gosh, you are such an idiot!"

"Nuh uh, Hermione's middle name is Jane and that starts with a 'G'," Ron said.

"'Jane' is spelled J-A-N-E not G-A-N-E. It's Hermione's," Harry said.

"Fine then. I want to read it," Ron said. "Don't you want to know what Hermione thinks about during the day?"

"Well... I guess so..." Harry said tentatively.

"Good so we'll open it."

**September 9**

**Dear Diary,**

**I ditched potions today. I just didn't feel like going today because Snape has a MAJOR stick up his ass. Okay, so I ditched right? Okay, well I was walking with Lavender through the Entrance Hall and she was going on and on about Seamus. What an old fashioned name! But, I guess that's kind of like Seamus. Did you know that he actually pulled her chair our for her? How embarrassing! She was actually wearing snake skin shoes today! I have a very strict policy, I never wear anything with a face! Then, I saw Ron came around the corner and he said, "Hermione, wait up!" so I tried to stop so he could catch up. I tried to tell Lavender to wait but NO she just kept on walking around with her face shoes and continuing her Seamus monologue, but nobody was listening. So then Snape came out of the Great Hall and said, "Mrs. Granger missed you in class today!" He knew I wasn't in class, and I know I wasn't in class, and now the WHOLE school basically knows I wasn't in class. I had to come up with an excuse** **fast. I told him it was "my time" this morning. Well that worked! Give a man that answer and he won't know what to do! Snape turned bright red and said, "Oh... um... excused," and walked away real fast! The only thing is, I think Ron heard because he started walking around in circles like he didn't know where he was going. I'm serious, if women weren't around, I don't know how men would survive. If it wasn't for my mom, my dad would starve to death standing in front of a refrigerator filled with food. So Ron was bright red walking in circles and started walking away from me. It was all quite comical.**

"I think I like Diary Hermione better then real Hermione. She sounds like more fun and she's really random," Harry said.

"LET ME FINISH!" Ron yelled.

"Fine, gosh go on!"

**So I finally caught up to Lavender who was STILL going on and on about Seamus! She didn't even realize I wasn't there for most of it. When she was done I just nodded and smiled. That's what I do when I have no idea what somebody's talking about. It works they think you were actually listening. I managed to ditch Lavender (I told her I had to go to the library- no way she's going in there!) I tell Harry and Ron that, too. Whenever they're bothering me I just tell them I'm going to rewrite some report in the Library and they run away like puppy dogs being chased by an ax murderer! **

"HEY!" Harry and Ron said at the same time.

"That is so rude!" Harry exclaimed.

"Yeah," said Ron. "I'm going to keep reading."

**Malfoy called me a mudblood today. Everybody freaks out! I don't know why because I could care less. All it means is dirty blood. Like I care what that freak thinks. He's just a piece of crap on my shoe anyway so whatever. He thinks he's so much better then everybody else. He needs a serious reality check.**

"GO HERMIONE!" Harry exclaimed.

"Shut up so I can read!" Ron said. Harry sighed heavily but let him continue.

**Well that's all for now...**

"What?" Harry said. "Not fair!"

"LET ME FREAKIN' FINISH!" Ron yelled.

**...but I'll write again tomorrow. I am so glad that my mom got me this diary. It would totally suck if somebody read it. It has my innermost thoughts. **

**Yours Truly**

**Hermione**

"Do you feel kind of bad now?" Ron asked.

"No! Think about it this way Ron, If we hadn't found it and read it, somebody else probably would have. That would be MUCH worse then her two best friends reading it.

"Well we didn't have to read it! We could have just given it back to her," he said. "This is all your fault! You just _had _to read it!"

"WHAT? You were the one that would DIE if he didn't get to read Hermione's innermost thoughts," Harry said.

"Yeah, I'll be right back. I think I left my diary in the common room!" Hermione's voice called down the stairs. "Hi, have you guys seen a black book anywhere?**"**

"Yeah, it's right here," Ron said handing her the book.

"Oh, you didn't read it, did you?" she asked.

"No," they both said a little too quickly.

"Then why were you holding it?" she asked, throwing suspicious looks at them.

"So no one else would read it. We figured that could be VERY bad!" Harry said, quite convincingly.

"Okay, whatever. Good night!" she said walking back up the stairs.

"Phew, that was close," Ron said.

"Ron?" Harry asked.

"Yeah?"

"We are never reading anyone's diary AGAIN!" Harry exclaimed.

"Okay, you don't have to get so emotional."

THE END!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, somebody commented and said they wanted me to continue with this story, so here ya go!**

_Disclaimer: I don't anything!_

"Hey Harry," said Ron.

"Yeah?" he responded, not looking up from the paper he was writing.

"You know how we said that we would never read another diary again?"

Harry looked up suspiciously at Ron. "Yes..." he said cautiously.

"Well... I think that was a stupid idea. I think that we should go get Hermione's diary and..."

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! We almost got caught last time. Besides, I don't want to," said Harry.

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Well sucks for you because I already stole it from Hermione's bag, so here we go." said Ron pulling the tiny, black book out of his bag.

**Dear Diary,**

"Wait! I want to read this time," said Harry, snatching the book.

**Dear Diary,**

"I already read that part" said Ron.

"Shut up."

**Dear Diary,**

**You know, I don't think I want to call you 'diary' anymore. I think I'm going to call you...** **Clayton instead. So Dear Clayton, **

"Clayton?" asked Ron.

"Yeah, shut up," said Harry.

**Today was just like any other day. Boring! Oh my goodness History of Magic is enough to put anyone to sleep. Everyone thinks I take notes, yeah right! I have a quick quotes quill in my bag and I doodle during the lesson. Haha. I drew a picture of a monkey today. It looked kind of like this.**

**LOL. MONKEY! Sorry. SO anyway... today I... um... oh I ate. And OMG Ron and Harry found you the other day. I sure hope they didn't read you Clayton, because then I might be really mad. Did they read you Clayton? Oh, nevermind, you're a diary. You can't talk, can you? No you can't! Oh my god, I'm treating you like a child or my very own pet. Oh well. Pansy called me a duech bag today, which is mildly insulting. Ugh, I'm bored. You're not doing you're job Clayton. Okay that's it. Ta ta Love!**

**Love,**

**Hermione**

"That's it?" said Ron.

"Yes," said Harry. "Her attention can't be held long enough to do more then draw a stupid monkey. This sucks. Go put 'Clayton' back."

"Okay," Ron said.

**A few days later**

"Hey guys," Hermione said.

"Hey Hermione," Ron said. "How's Clayton," he asked without thinking, then clamped a hand over his mouth.

"YOU READ MY DIARY!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: If I owned ANYthing, would I be writing on here????_

"Uh... we... uh... didn't... really... you... uh... what?" Ron stammered.

"I cannot believe you guys read my diary!" Hermione shouted. "That's a total invasion of privacy! I wrote stuff about you guys in there!"

"You did?" Ron asked, pulling it out of his bag.

"You still have it?" she screeched, drawing the attention of everyone in the hall.

"Well... yeah... I uh..." he stammered once again.

"You know, I would have thought you both would be more courteous. What do you have to say about this Harry?" she asked.

"Um... you're an excellent writer?" he said, uncertainly.

"WRONG ANSWER! Try again," she said, glaring daggers at him.

"You're... monkey was amazing...?" he tried.

"STILL WRONG! But thank you," she said.

"Okay, I'm really sorry we read you're diary. We just figured that, well, you know as you're best friends we probably knew a lot about you anyway and the first time we read it we both wanted to but the second time it was all Ron's idea and he made me," Harry said in a rush.

Hermione closed her eyes and in a pained voice said, "You read it... twice?"

Harry and Ron both began talking at once, trying to explain. Hermione closed her eyes, but her hand up in the air signaling them to stop and shook her head. Then she snatched the diary out of Ron's hand and marched out of the hall.

Harry and Ron just stared after her for a minute before Ron said, "So we'll go get it again tonight?"

"Yep."


End file.
